i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
