Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
