I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
