We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
