If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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