His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
