Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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