So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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