wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
