Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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