JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
