I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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