I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
