You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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