I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
