id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
