and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I touched a dick in church today
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