I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
