Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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