and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
