I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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