It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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