I will die if light touches me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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