Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
