I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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