The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
