Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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