Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
