what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
