Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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