I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
