She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
