I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
