Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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