just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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