So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
