I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
