I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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