ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
