Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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