at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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