i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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