Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
