Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
