I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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