Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
People in love make me want to vomit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
