I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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