Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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