Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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