Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it glows. i had to have it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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