My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
