Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
