my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
