I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
