I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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