she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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