Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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