just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
