i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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