We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So much rum. So many feels.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
