You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
