I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
