Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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