i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
