I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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