she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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