sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
