Already got asked if we're dating
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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