Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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