Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
