pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
